Help Me Remember

What was it about her that made me leave everything behind
I used to think that if I gave all, I would get all in return

I was the one
the only one
she said it
and she said it well

I fell like the first snowflakes of winter
I fell right into her mouth and
into her feathered hair

My memory has done circles around me
Her eyes became the story I wrote a thousand times
My heart would beat beat beat to the touch of her hands
and now my hands cup this unfamiliar stranger

Disappointment. Relief.
Promises swift as the wind
I was not enough, to want

Jack's Beans

I hardly realized it
One day the rays of the sun did not enter my bedroom window,
As it did every morning
I was shocked by a gigantic tree that had
Grown so big, my house sat underneath its shade
Branches likea million cold hands reaching out to touch the sun

Was it in that long period of night that you grew
When was it that you got so deep
So massive the roots replaced the cement foundations
The tree’s roots and trunk the manolinth my house is now built upon
How could I have not noticed the growth
Of that tiny seed we tossed out my window

The shade is cooling, the leaves an umbrella to protect me
from nature’s harsh change of mood
Yet it scares me to not see the sun sometimes
I had made a habit of staring at it and getting a tan all these years
A pruning, that’s what it needs , I recall saying to myself

What witchery is this?
Like Jack’s magic beans, overnight it seemed to have appeared
Last night it wasn't there, I said. Looking up, standing barefoot
Still in my pajamas. I was not prepared to wake up like this.

How could this have happened beneath my nose
How could this have gone unnoticed?
Or has it been so looooong a night?
Or is the sunriseI recall from ages long gone
Could it be that this is a new sun?

Christmas Gift

Just for a moment can you be strong for me?
Hold me and let your mind believe that
You have the strength to get me through?
In that short amount of time,
Maybe in a kiss or in a tight tangle of arms
Can you be a pillar that I can lean on
A place to rest my back against while I balance the weight of my worries
Be the soft whisper, the calming voice, my oracle, my northern star
The one who tells me that everything is going to be okay
That it’s okay for me to be sad
That it’s okay for me to cry
That it doesn’t matter if I shed a thousand tears at night
Cause in the morning the night will be a dream,
Like it never happened at all
That this dream is not a nightmare that will hound me
Lie to me
LIE TO ME if you need to.
This is the time I need you to lie to me
Tell me you’ll be here even after the morning
I just need to hear it from you
Lie to me even if you don’t want to
Lie to me because you need to
Just this once tell me that all I need is you
That it’s okay that I need you the way I do
That you want to be my world
That you’re strong enough to want to be my everything
Just this once tell me what I want to hear
That your sun and moon rises for me
That I am like no other
That I am the one you’ve been waiting for

Give me that
In exchange
I’ll promise to not believe you
In the morning I’ll be the strong one again

Remembering the 27th

The 27th that passes. A re-birth day. I am not the same anymore. This is the beginning, beginning of a start or end I really don’t know.

I Introduced myself
I greeted her with who I became
She introduced herself
And greeted me with eyes that saw who I really was
She kissed me, an resuscitated my soul
She embraced my body and cradled my spirit
In her arms, I was reborn
By her side , her hand in mine, My heart in hers and hers in mine
We will become who we were always supposed to be.

In a bubble far above the world, protected by time. Our souls ignited and united. Everything seemed so natural, so beautiful. Each mouth and hand and limb and breath knew where it was suppose to go and what it was suppose to do when it got there. Like this dance had been something I’ve known all along. The movements synchronized and graceful as if they were rehearsed by heart to perfection.

The days that are to follow are all strangers to me now. The time has come. This is the journey I’ve been waiting for , this is the time, the path to greatness. I am no longer sleeping. I am no longer dreaming, I am now ALIVE!

The challenge of struggling, the search for meaning,, the attainment of the moments of happiness. I do not know how to explain what I feel but I just know it is right. And I won’t let anyone get in the way of that.

And A new Journey Begins

12 months ...
So long ago it seems.
So much has changed
My recent yesterday seems all but a dream


I dont even feel remotely nostalgic
I felt no hunger to look back
I did out of habit but did not dwell too long in there

I'm driving my car down a highway
I am scared to look ahead
But I have to

Its as black and as cold as death outside the window
I can't see what's ahead except for my faltering headlights
This unchartered road I'm on, not less travelled though
Just that I'm the only driving down it now

Cosmic Eyes

Your eyes

A gypsy's crystal ball

My universe held unfurled within them

I look and I am flying in the orbit,

Into unknown space, meteorites are flying by.

The stars stare at me like a thousand twinkling eyes

But in this vast stellar field one star casts an inescapable cosmic hook-on me

The one that looked at me with her eyes

Her eyes, My northern star

I feel like

I feel like...

Screaming my head off
'Til my voice collapses
and my lungs deflate

Running in the rain
'Til my muscles burn
and my body aches

Punching the wall
'Til my knuckles fall off
and the wall is bloody red

Crying
Til I can't cry anymore
ashy tears, half dead


In a rage
In a rage blinding
In a blinding black rage

A FIST FULL OF SHEETS

A fistful of sheets
A mouth full of moans
A brain lost in ecstasy
In uncharted zones

Toes curling in to my feet’s sole
Fingers dancing in my hole
Body glittering with sweat
How much better can this get

Pulse screaming in my ears
Eyes filling-up with tears
Lightning striking once again
Oh my F*ckin God orgasm number TEN!!!!

“No Other Way”

I don’t care what they say

Who are “they” anyway

To deny myself of this,

Is the same as destroying myself, it is!

I had once to choose, to love or to live

I loved first and incidentally I lived

Given that choice again

I’d still choose to love and not listen to them

Sleepyheads

Like all the fallen autumn leaves
I've raked in the garden round back
I'd gather you in my arms right now
And pile you up on my lap

Hold you so close, Swirl on your shoulder
Like a young whirlwind in the spring
Blow away the worries that have latched onto you
Erase the lines and scratches of things so tiring

Slowly, I'll dance on your skin
Until you melt underneath my touch
You'd be a big puddle of June raindrops
Held by the glassy basin of my arms as such

Here we are again
You almost asleep, soft as a tear
Hera we are again
Me half-sleepy, cradling you right now, right here

In the solace of the silent corner
Of the home that we have built
I'd place us on the window sill
And look at the earth's oceanic quilt

The sea sings you a lullaby and I sing along
sleep little baby,
the water all still
sleep little baby
the now bowl a-fill
Sleep....
Asleep...
Together on the window sill

A Talk with My Duckie

On the topic of the magnificent Joni Mitchell
My duckie, Shoil, and i listen in a sort of awe
and I say

she reminds me of you duckie
of your voice that would float above a note
and would raise my spirits a little
I watch your lips move
You open your mouth
And I hear the voice of my soul talking to me

It was always a pleasure a pleasure to listen to my duckie
And music will always be something we share
love you dukie

Lonely Pier

The lonely pier posted by the shore

The tide slowly tugging away the boat she made a home for in her docks

Farther with every wave, helpless she stands watching her boat

Dreading the moment when she loses sight of its sails,

When it disappears near the horizon

When she’s gone, all day everyday she knows she will wait

She will tell the lighthouse to send a signal out to sea each and every night

So that no matter how far she wanders

The path home will always be lit

And she would always find her way back to the port

If ever she decides to sail this way again

“I Cannot Own You”

You make me want to posses

That intimacy no other two have had or can ever have

You make me want an exclusively mutual connection

That is like some but is like unlike any other

You make me want to claim the deepest,

The most enduring,

The most passionate ,

The most satisfying,

The last

To know no other can love this way again nor surpass it

You make me “want “ and by doing so I feel like I betray you

Like I have broken my most sacred conviction

And I am reduced to a bastard hypocrite

Because in one way or the other I want to HAVE and OWN you at the same time

But I know this must not be

Say It Straight

Say It Straight

The raven black hair of night

Quickly grew old and white with the youthful light of morning.

You were gone as quickly as my cigarette had ashed away

With one breath, with one puff, with one flick.
I thought to myself as I stayed on my side of the bed

You on your side of the world somewhere.

I hate this malignant pinings

you willfully express in obscurity to me.
I cannot and I do not know

How to treat this cancerous silence that now plagues us.
Your barbed words, your arrogant brush-off's.
What am I to feel?
To do?