Crying Time

Note I left on a friend's fridge

Head and Heart

My pain is in limbo, neither healing nor aching

A place between suppression and release

Between head and heart 

Afraid to fall apart

Between the hours

Was talking to a friend about what happened
At some point in the converstion she  looked at me and asked if I was okay that we are not in touch
I did not know what to say
I had never thought about how I felt not hearing from you
It is good I do not hear from you because it helps in the healing
But there's a new type of sadness that I feel having to deal with knowing you actually don't want to get in touch, that you do not want anything to do with me
That everything just totally disappeared like "we" never happened

Word on the sTWEET!

Other Tweets

Finale

Very few times in life will you come to a point when you realize you have arrived at an absolute end. It is a strange maybe even harsh realization for those who hope but a relief to those who need a fresh start. It's all a matter of perspective as they say.

So...

Just holy fucking WOW!

Sits in the directors chair.

Ushers in fat lady to sing.

Remember this...

Kisses are not promises and rings are not guarantees.

Love is like a used car

Love is like buying a car from a used car lot
Somebody has used it before
It's pre-loved with its own set of issues
Some were fixed
Some were not
It feels okay during the test drive
But you never know if it works until
You've driven in around the block a few times

OMG. I miss you... Goddamit!

The things left unsaid

I wish I could say that I want you to stay because I do
But I won't because it would be the same as me asking you to pretend to want me.

I want to tell you that I miss you and that I ache every time I think of you.
I think about and constantly resist messaging you all day and night
But I won't because what good would that be?

I want to tell you that I miss "us" and that I still want us to be together
That i carry this love for you that makes it so difficult to not want to be with you
But I won't because that wouldn't change anything either.

I cannot undo it
I cannot change it
I cannot fix it
I cannot hope for it

The only choice is to shut up.
Let you be...
Let you go...

Somethings are left unsaid because it does not really matter
but somehow some way they need to be expressed.

Love letter for

We met

We found a part of ourselves in each other

We fell in love

Quickly but not suddenly

Unexpectedly but not surprisingly          

Totally

Completely

New Love

When I met her it felt like the red velvet curtains of my life had just opened, a new show, new story, new life had just begun. In the opening scene she took center stage beautifully compelling. Her presence commanding and undeniable.

There is no Santa

Today was just like the day I found out there was no Santa. I was devastated. I felt that everything I believed in was not real and it hurt because I wanted them to be real. There was no magic, no Rudolph!Why did they have to tell me there was one? For the entertainment value? I was crushed. I felt cheated. I felt stupid. I was heart-broken. Eventually, I got over it.

Years later I realized my parents meant no harm. As kids we need to believe that magical things happen. I learned to appreciate what Santa stood for because I saw the attitude of giving that it inspired with my parents and the people around me. I gave me hope that magical things could happen like true love...
Soulmates...

As I puff away on my cigarette, I replay the day in my head. I'm transported back in time to that feeling years ago. You see,I met somebody who I thought was "THE ONE". Like Santa, it was magical. Then something happened. She changed her mind. I was not "THE ONE" anymore. I went from definitely being "the one" to possibly being one of two. What was once magical now is just another one of those ordinary things that happen in life. Again the familiar feeling of being crushed, stupid and cheated.

I'm a fighting romantic but I'm beginning to think that I'm finally jaded. Maybe there is no "ONE".  Just because they say they are and you believe it with all your heart it's not always true. Maybe like Santa it is just a reflection you'll find in many people.

I'm haven't completely given up. I think it's okay to want the magic however we should never forget that at the end of the day people are people. We are flawed. We will disappoint each other. The challenge is to be able to forgive ourselves and the people we love when they don't live up to romanticized version of the perfect person in our head. Look at what they've inspired in you to feel and do. It's magical to feel that you're in love.

Kisses are not promises and rings are not guarantees. Be brave enough to love, patient to let it grow, wise enough to know when to stay and always strong enough to go and not look back. There is no Santa and maybe no such thing as the one but I'd still like to fall in love and believe in magic...

"THAT" kiss

She branded me with THAT kiss, like a tattoo

A memory permanently imprinted on my senses