Help Me Remember

What was it about her that made me leave everything behind
I used to think that if I gave all, I would get all in return

I was the one
the only one
she said it
and she said it well

I fell like the first snowflakes of winter
I fell right into her mouth and
into her feathered hair

My memory has done circles around me
Her eyes became the story I wrote a thousand times
My heart would beat beat beat to the touch of her hands
and now my hands cup this unfamiliar stranger

Disappointment. Relief.
Promises swift as the wind
I was not enough, to want

Jack's Beans

I hardly realized it
One day the rays of the sun did not enter my bedroom window,
As it did every morning
I was shocked by a gigantic tree that had
Grown so big, my house sat underneath its shade
Branches likea million cold hands reaching out to touch the sun

Was it in that long period of night that you grew
When was it that you got so deep
So massive the roots replaced the cement foundations
The tree’s roots and trunk the manolinth my house is now built upon
How could I have not noticed the growth
Of that tiny seed we tossed out my window

The shade is cooling, the leaves an umbrella to protect me
from nature’s harsh change of mood
Yet it scares me to not see the sun sometimes
I had made a habit of staring at it and getting a tan all these years
A pruning, that’s what it needs , I recall saying to myself

What witchery is this?
Like Jack’s magic beans, overnight it seemed to have appeared
Last night it wasn't there, I said. Looking up, standing barefoot
Still in my pajamas. I was not prepared to wake up like this.

How could this have happened beneath my nose
How could this have gone unnoticed?
Or has it been so looooong a night?
Or is the sunriseI recall from ages long gone
Could it be that this is a new sun?

Christmas Gift

Just for a moment can you be strong for me?
Hold me and let your mind believe that
You have the strength to get me through?
In that short amount of time,
Maybe in a kiss or in a tight tangle of arms
Can you be a pillar that I can lean on
A place to rest my back against while I balance the weight of my worries
Be the soft whisper, the calming voice, my oracle, my northern star
The one who tells me that everything is going to be okay
That it’s okay for me to be sad
That it’s okay for me to cry
That it doesn’t matter if I shed a thousand tears at night
Cause in the morning the night will be a dream,
Like it never happened at all
That this dream is not a nightmare that will hound me
Lie to me
LIE TO ME if you need to.
This is the time I need you to lie to me
Tell me you’ll be here even after the morning
I just need to hear it from you
Lie to me even if you don’t want to
Lie to me because you need to
Just this once tell me that all I need is you
That it’s okay that I need you the way I do
That you want to be my world
That you’re strong enough to want to be my everything
Just this once tell me what I want to hear
That your sun and moon rises for me
That I am like no other
That I am the one you’ve been waiting for

Give me that
In exchange
I’ll promise to not believe you
In the morning I’ll be the strong one again

Remembering the 27th

The 27th that passes. A re-birth day. I am not the same anymore. This is the beginning, beginning of a start or end I really don’t know.

I Introduced myself
I greeted her with who I became
She introduced herself
And greeted me with eyes that saw who I really was
She kissed me, an resuscitated my soul
She embraced my body and cradled my spirit
In her arms, I was reborn
By her side , her hand in mine, My heart in hers and hers in mine
We will become who we were always supposed to be.

In a bubble far above the world, protected by time. Our souls ignited and united. Everything seemed so natural, so beautiful. Each mouth and hand and limb and breath knew where it was suppose to go and what it was suppose to do when it got there. Like this dance had been something I’ve known all along. The movements synchronized and graceful as if they were rehearsed by heart to perfection.

The days that are to follow are all strangers to me now. The time has come. This is the journey I’ve been waiting for , this is the time, the path to greatness. I am no longer sleeping. I am no longer dreaming, I am now ALIVE!

The challenge of struggling, the search for meaning,, the attainment of the moments of happiness. I do not know how to explain what I feel but I just know it is right. And I won’t let anyone get in the way of that.

And A new Journey Begins

12 months ...
So long ago it seems.
So much has changed
My recent yesterday seems all but a dream


I dont even feel remotely nostalgic
I felt no hunger to look back
I did out of habit but did not dwell too long in there

I'm driving my car down a highway
I am scared to look ahead
But I have to

Its as black and as cold as death outside the window
I can't see what's ahead except for my faltering headlights
This unchartered road I'm on, not less travelled though
Just that I'm the only driving down it now