Freedom from chains

I

I am free

A wild horse that gallops where the wind blows

I don’t need to walk or rest

I want to get more of the 1/3rd that people waste on sleep

I

I am free

A boat sailing without an anchor

I don’t need to know where land is

I'm bound to sail into it anyway

I

I am free

A calendar that reads "today" on every page

Tomorrow never comes and the past is lost forever

All we can really work on is today

I don't like chains, rules, schedules, plans

For they bind, limit and dictate

I....

You...

I with you...

Me…

Me with you

Makes me want to stop speeding all the time

To gallop through the city and trot on the scenic country roads

Though I could stay awake and be the one to switch-on the light of day

At night, I crave the restful pause of peaceful sleep in your arms

That 1/3rd can be 1/2 as long as I am asleep with you

Me with you

A boat bound for a specific port, My dreams a northern star

My sails filled every now and then by the thought of where you are

My eyes set on the shore, having a favorite lighthouse that I long to see

Me with You, freedom, to be anchored to something without feeling chained

You are my yesterday’s dream

My tomorrow ‘s hope

And my every today

Soul Speak

Despite the similar preliminaries and sensations, I know this is not the mere call of the flesh. 

Now I know why this need and urgency to make love to you. 

Touch is the only language with which the soul speaks with and listens 

My soul has something to say to yours and I need to know what yours has to say to me. 

Kiss?

Animus and Anima

We are all animus and anima, man and woman, in one capsulated ball. 

The man in me will make love to the woman in you and the woman in me will reply as well by making love to the man in you and viz a viz. 

Animus and Anima. 

In a bed of entangled souls we will be both might and mercy, strength and grace together.

Love Letter - My Final Thought of the Day

Curled like a half moon at the edge of the bed, white sheets like clouds, she reaches out to cup the cheeks of her mug resting by her bedside. Her palms reminiscing how your face felt pressed against it the other night. She brings it forward to sip, as if to kiss. The taste of the fruits of summer flow into the thin opening of her pursed lips. 

In quiet darkness, she recalls the sound of your voice. In an instant she is transported to the bank of still waters in an unspoiled paradise somewhere during the fall. The leaves crackle underneath her as she rests her palms on the ground, propping herself up to soak in the moonlight. A light night wind blowing your name into her ears.

She wipes a glance across her bed, watching it grow exponentially into a field of sunflowers and stargazer lilies. Imagining you sleeping on yellow petals as if you were in a sea of sunshine. She imagines she would lay beside you and spoon you from behind if only to nuzzle your neck until you wake. Alas, she merely sits on the bed beside a pillow with an echo or your scent.

Any and every thought inevitably leads her to back to you. Such a bittersweet sort of pining. Such a tender ache. Wanting nothing but to run her hands all over you to slowly rub away the stresses of the days that have passed. Thumbs rubbing the temples of your wrist to soothe your hands and ready them for another day of wafting clouds and plucking stars.

Until the time she sees you again, she sits content to touch you with her mind. Writing love letters in the dead of the night so you may wake knowing you are her final thought at the close of everyday.

Goodnight darling.

A Love Letter - "Su bebé"

I woke up in the dead of the night with a poem in my heart for you. Here it goes:


Venir aqui el amor. Leave the cold room and lay in my warm sheets.


Venir aqui el amor, face me and lay across my lap. Let me hold you like a Spanish guitar.


Let me glide my fingers effortlessly from the top of your neck to the bottom of your spine.The ridges like frets, my fingering changing as they walk the mile of your back.


Come and let us sing in breaths and moans as my lower arm rests on the dip of your hips while I strum your back and kiss your lips.


Let's make beautiful music in the night while the lonely moon peeps through the window, envious of us.


Ven aquí y déjame que te amo.


Su bebé


Venir aqui el amor (come here my love) y déjame que te amo (and let me love you)
Su bebé (Your baby)

Love Letter - The Early Days

Like a thief tiptoeing around me, the minutes grew into hours without notice. I sat endlessly without tiring, no grasp of time as I thought of the what, why, and how of "you".


I find you complexly delicious and out of reach of words. A testament to my inability to string the right words together. Aargh... words.They are so limited and limiting when it comes to "you".


I pause shortly and then start laughing at myself realizing that all I truly have is many words to express that I have no words.


Goodnight.

Food for the soul. Low carb+high pro!

I've always hated cooking for myself specially on a weeknight. Tonight was different. I felt inspired. Instead of painting,I decided to cook! Nothing fancy but something that I knew would satisfy not only my taste buds but my spirit. Food is one of those rare art forms that truly engages all the 5 senses. Cooking a good tasty and healthy meal for yourself is a way to heal and love yourself. If you put garbage in your body then you also get garbage in your soul.

Fear and Faith

I see you best when my eyes are closed.

Pastel Painting by: Bianca Bueno

The fear of the future is the fear of the unknown. We resort to logic to battle the fear. We try to “know”. But even with our best logic, it’s impossible to really “know”. The sooner we make peace with that, the sooner we can live. The sooner we can experience life as "ourselves".

In the context of pursuing a new relationship, we sometimes fear the future so we can protect ourselves from it if need be. But even with our best calculation we still end-up with a guess. When I feel like I’m falling for somebody, it’s human for me to want to know my future is with the person I've chosen and I also want a guarantee I won’t get hurt. Life doesn’t work that way.

In love as in most things in life, to move forward you need to take the risk and LEAP! With each new potential partner, we come to a point where we stand on the edge and stare into a free fall. That can be scary. I’ve had my share of heartbreak and it has gotten progressively harder to just “jump off a cliff and build wings on the way down”. This time I might just go splat! but old scars remind me of a few things I’ve learned the hard way.

There is no point fearing the future because nobody is assured of it, in relationships especially.We should be more fearful of not being able to “live” in the present because today determines the tomorrow. Today is all we truly have.

When do you know when to take the risk? Trust your instincts. If it doesn’t feel right it usually isn’t. Your heart has a way of telling you what’s right that your brain can’t comprehend.


“Leap and the net will appear”. I have chosen to not let fear get the best of me. I realized that if I live in fear, I cannot live in the present. If I cannot live in the present, I cannot have a future with the person I’ve chosen. Living in the present with the person I’ve chosen means I need to take that leap of faith. The question now becomes “is that person is ready to take that leap of faith with me...”

After awhile

After awhile I’ll learn the complicated solutions to simple problems or discover simple solutions to seemingly complicated problems. I’ll learn to not put my happiness on any one person or any one thing.

After awhile I’ll learn that just because you give all it doesn’t mean you get all.  You have to be clear about what you expect so you know what you're getting and they know what to give.

After awhile I’ll accept that there is no blame to assign for things happening the way they did. I’ll see the silver lining. See the truth that I stood more to gain by losing what I did.

After awhile all the pain will go away and feel indifferent. I'll look back and connect the dots. There is a reason why some people remain as a part of our past and not the future. 

After awhile... until then I just need to be kind and patient with myself.

Esmirada

There is a sort of intense passion living in her that is so beautiful.

With the right person she will set the world on fire with it.

One look and you know there is no middle in the way she consumes life.

She recalls moments as something or nothing, all or nothing.

She cannot step back she has to walk away.

She cannot step forward she has to leap.

She cannot walk she has to run.

Chaos as I see it

There is a reason for everything.True chaos does not exist because at some point or angle it will make sense. We call it chaotic not because it doesn't make sense but because our ability to see and comprehend the BIG and entire picture is limited. 

The art of giving and taking

At any given moment, people really only take away from you what you allow yourself to give. That can range from an split-second-memory that echoes for years or nothing at all.


You take only what you allow yourself to want or what you are open to wanting however you never know what you are receiving until you unwrap it . It may not be what you expected.

Dear Lonely Lover

Dear lonely lover,

It is sad to know you are sad but some lessons are only learnt through tears. Know that the tears you shed now will not be wasted as you promise yourself to learn from it.The loneliness will eventually fade and you will be at peace with yourself.

XoXo,

Day 4 - The clarification

And so it was, it's just me. It was withered to something beyond repair.
When you've given all and even borrowed some and it still wasn't enough what do you do?
She and I are no longer trying to be an "us". We are on our own journeys to rediscover "the self".
It is a journey we cannot make holding hands.

It ended in the same manner it began. Abruptly. My sadness has turned into a deep sorrow.
What am I to do with the sorrow? How am I to knead this emotion that seems as  bottomless as the pit of eternity into becoming an overflowing fountain of inspiration. I miss her beyond reason.

I am petrified of the impending future because I'm clueless about what I'm suppose to do next. I've always been somebody's something for so long, I've forgotten how it is to just be with myself and not feel alone.

Ready For Surrender

Sitting on the paper thin edge of my sanity

My fear balancing me on the blade

I am about to surrender into the fall

Following the white rabbit

I will land somewhere, a parallel place

The usual familiars all redefined

All rules rewritten

As would I

My heart dismantled, expelled as a tear from her eyes

Exploding on soft lips laced with goodbye 

The far flung pieces journey to reunite in eyes clear of distortion

Without expectation

Only celebrations as her as she is

Those eyes

Her own