Food for the soul. Low carb+high pro!

I've always hated cooking for myself specially on a weeknight. Tonight was different. I felt inspired. Instead of painting,I decided to cook! Nothing fancy but something that I knew would satisfy not only my taste buds but my spirit. Food is one of those rare art forms that truly engages all the 5 senses. Cooking a good tasty and healthy meal for yourself is a way to heal and love yourself. If you put garbage in your body then you also get garbage in your soul.

Fear and Faith

I see you best when my eyes are closed.

Pastel Painting by: Bianca Bueno

The fear of the future is the fear of the unknown. We resort to logic to battle the fear. We try to “know”. But even with our best logic, it’s impossible to really “know”. The sooner we make peace with that, the sooner we can live. The sooner we can experience life as "ourselves".

In the context of pursuing a new relationship, we sometimes fear the future so we can protect ourselves from it if need be. But even with our best calculation we still end-up with a guess. When I feel like I’m falling for somebody, it’s human for me to want to know my future is with the person I've chosen and I also want a guarantee I won’t get hurt. Life doesn’t work that way.

In love as in most things in life, to move forward you need to take the risk and LEAP! With each new potential partner, we come to a point where we stand on the edge and stare into a free fall. That can be scary. I’ve had my share of heartbreak and it has gotten progressively harder to just “jump off a cliff and build wings on the way down”. This time I might just go splat! but old scars remind me of a few things I’ve learned the hard way.

There is no point fearing the future because nobody is assured of it, in relationships especially.We should be more fearful of not being able to “live” in the present because today determines the tomorrow. Today is all we truly have.

When do you know when to take the risk? Trust your instincts. If it doesn’t feel right it usually isn’t. Your heart has a way of telling you what’s right that your brain can’t comprehend.


“Leap and the net will appear”. I have chosen to not let fear get the best of me. I realized that if I live in fear, I cannot live in the present. If I cannot live in the present, I cannot have a future with the person I’ve chosen. Living in the present with the person I’ve chosen means I need to take that leap of faith. The question now becomes “is that person is ready to take that leap of faith with me...”

After awhile

After awhile I’ll learn the complicated solutions to simple problems or discover simple solutions to seemingly complicated problems. I’ll learn to not put my happiness on any one person or any one thing.

After awhile I’ll learn that just because you give all it doesn’t mean you get all.  You have to be clear about what you expect so you know what you're getting and they know what to give.

After awhile I’ll accept that there is no blame to assign for things happening the way they did. I’ll see the silver lining. See the truth that I stood more to gain by losing what I did.

After awhile all the pain will go away and feel indifferent. I'll look back and connect the dots. There is a reason why some people remain as a part of our past and not the future. 

After awhile... until then I just need to be kind and patient with myself.

Esmirada

There is a sort of intense passion living in her that is so beautiful.

With the right person she will set the world on fire with it.

One look and you know there is no middle in the way she consumes life.

She recalls moments as something or nothing, all or nothing.

She cannot step back she has to walk away.

She cannot step forward she has to leap.

She cannot walk she has to run.

Chaos as I see it

There is a reason for everything.True chaos does not exist because at some point or angle it will make sense. We call it chaotic not because it doesn't make sense but because our ability to see and comprehend the BIG and entire picture is limited. 

The art of giving and taking

At any given moment, people really only take away from you what you allow yourself to give. That can range from an split-second-memory that echoes for years or nothing at all.


You take only what you allow yourself to want or what you are open to wanting however you never know what you are receiving until you unwrap it . It may not be what you expected.

Dear Lonely Lover

Dear lonely lover,

It is sad to know you are sad but some lessons are only learnt through tears. Know that the tears you shed now will not be wasted as you promise yourself to learn from it.The loneliness will eventually fade and you will be at peace with yourself.

XoXo,

Day 4 - The clarification

And so it was, it's just me. It was withered to something beyond repair.
When you've given all and even borrowed some and it still wasn't enough what do you do?
She and I are no longer trying to be an "us". We are on our own journeys to rediscover "the self".
It is a journey we cannot make holding hands.

It ended in the same manner it began. Abruptly. My sadness has turned into a deep sorrow.
What am I to do with the sorrow? How am I to knead this emotion that seems as  bottomless as the pit of eternity into becoming an overflowing fountain of inspiration. I miss her beyond reason.

I am petrified of the impending future because I'm clueless about what I'm suppose to do next. I've always been somebody's something for so long, I've forgotten how it is to just be with myself and not feel alone.

Ready For Surrender

Sitting on the paper thin edge of my sanity

My fear balancing me on the blade

I am about to surrender into the fall

Following the white rabbit

I will land somewhere, a parallel place

The usual familiars all redefined

All rules rewritten

As would I

My heart dismantled, expelled as a tear from her eyes

Exploding on soft lips laced with goodbye 

The far flung pieces journey to reunite in eyes clear of distortion

Without expectation

Only celebrations as her as she is

Those eyes

Her own

Day 1 - Limbo

Still in shock.The wheel of life turned.
Breathing is like taking a whiff of chili being fried in a pan
A full deep breath is impossible.
There's this beating in my chest that feels like a truck is about to rip through it.

Ex-lover

Even though we’ve gone our separate ways 

And ended our song of verses lacking rhyme

When retold I’d still begin the story like a fairy tale
Start with once upon a time

You made me believe in the miracle of love

Made me plan a forever like a gift from above

Right now we are really talking

My calls you still can’t take

But after time heals this aching

We’ll start another story of a different fate

One that rhymes, one with lyric
One that never ends

A story of how two lovers fell apart
But still found forever by being friends.

She - cowritten

a

Pic by: Eunice Aquino

Molding her hand into mine easily
She kisses me passionately
Making me feel more
Than anyone has before


And by the softness of that woman's lips
My soul is resuscitated
All heaviness is lifted
The chagrin wiped clean




Indeed there is no taste sweeter
No arms stronger
No scent more delicate
Than the one I call "mine"


She becomes the weakness
That gives me the strength to own her
She becomes the person who makes me strong
Strong enough to admit sometimes I am weak


In her eyes I found the cure for an ailing soul
And the missing pieces of my broken heart
She totally completes me
By loving me COMPLETELY


I will never be ashamed or hide this truth
For when I do I hide the best part of me
There's no hiding it anyway
My smile is brighter, my eyes are lighter
I turn into a writer when she walks into the room


This was a poem formed on twitter with @MzEmilyK
For more please visit http://bit.ly/32uQPz aka "Savi"

Two Together

I lay here with you,
Whole but completely dismantled.
Where do you start and I begin?
In bed as tangled souls.
We are strength and grace together.
Not one of each but two of both.
As one, together as might and mercy.

Answer in Kisses

Impatiently waiting for her to get ready,
Puffing away on my final cigarette,contemplating on whether I should talk to her. 
No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to make room in my head for thoughts other than unanswerable questions. 
The bedroom door opens.
She’s finally ready to go. "Smoking again?" She said with a little pout.
I smiled and said, “Yes!” in a flat tone and almost whispering. 
I stood and reached out for the keys hanging on top of the light switch holding the I door open for her. 
She looked at me tenderly as she brushed passed my shoulders, right before I closed the door behind us. 
I didn’t know what to make of that look. 
In the car, I contemplated.  
A bottleneck of words in my mouth for the oh-so-many things I want to say but couldn't. 
She kissed my mouth full of questions. 
I suddenly feel ashamed. 
Before she came home from work, I packed and left without a word.
Neither of us needed an explanation. 
There was nothing left to say or save.

Sleep with me

Here we are again
You almost asleep, soft as a tear
Here we are again
Me half-sleepy, cradling you, right now, right here

In the solace of the silent corner
Of the home that we have built
I'd place us on the window sill
And look at the earth's oceanic quilt

The sea sings you a lullaby
And she also sings for me
sleep little baby,
water all still
sleep little baby
the "now" bowl a-fill

Sleep...

Sleep...

Asleep...

Together on the window sill